By: Matt Barnes CDCR # V-21217/Pelican Bay State Prison Born into poverty was the crime committed… Condemn because of the meager means… Can't use our blood to justify your debts of greed… You fight against us… Because you refuse to recognize our humanity… While you feed on hatred and violence… You spread false lies and untruths… Weaponized words spoke with the intent to harm The innocent … A generation lost…. Relocation of our communities behind prison walls.. Engaged in racist ideologies… Appressed because we choose to uplift the people.. where ‘s this American dream… Life,Liberty, and prosperity.. For America classism All see is a society that persecutes those less Fortunate than me.. Is this democracy or is this the one percent that profits off me...
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As I wake up and my day begins, I start with BELLY BREATHING taking in all the oxygen. This allows me to be the BOSS OF MY BRAIN, using the SMART PART when making choices for maximum gain. But who knows what obstacles I may encounter, so I stay prepared with the FIVE SECOND LIGHTSWITCH just in case I may flounder. Catch my composure and go where I know, meditating on POSITIVE THOUGHTS so when I speak I breathe POSITIVE WORDS, igniting the way for POSITIVE ACTIONS to spread across the globe. EVERY ACTION HAS A REACTION, my life reverberates throughout this existence, so I CLAIM RESPONSIBILITY for my everyday instance. Taking control of my body and soul; not allowing uncontrollable forces to stagnate my growth, so I LET GO. Don’t want to resort back to my past and go against my new found freedom, SO FOR ME TO GIVE it’s vital I’M FREE FROM HARM. So I keep my eyes on the prize looking forward to the future, WHAT IF closes the door to the past and allows me to paint a new picture. I’m not perfect so I’m still learning lessons, and REALITY CHECK shows me I’ve been progressing stating ahead and that’s my mission. So at the end of my day I count my blessings living a life of service gives my life purpose and ULTIMATE FREEDOM, so when tomorrow comes I start the day all over again ready to create the best possible outcome. With TOOLS OF THE BODY and TOOLS OF CHOICE, TOOLS OF MOVING FORWARD and TOOLS OF CREATION, what you have is men and women standing before you in metamorphose transition.
I am one of humanity What you see is you in me We are one in humanity tied together in the web of life Our existence is one and the same till death. As the late great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. stated so poetically, “I can never be what I ought to be until you are what you ought to be,” So we are a reflection of the same reality. When you decide to open your eyes and the vision becomes clear, you’ll discover the wonder of why we’re all here. I don’t want to be remembered for all the violence, pain, and heartache, so I make it a point to give now more than I take. The choice is simple and yours to make, Life isn’t what happens, Life is a blank canvas And you’re the Artist Who Creates.
I attended groups because I was a crono chase, Fiending for that piece of paper. Rushin cause the hearing is a few years away, Impress board members on that specific date. Wanting to demonstrate I deserve a new slate, Manipulating my way to get that 120 day wait. Expounding on past wrongs, I committed, how they’ve been addressed, “Son I am not impressed!” Self discovery process you’ve omitted, Reflection and remorse for terrible harms you’ve committed. Analyzing your past anti-social behaviors, We’re hereby going to do you a little favor. Sir, minimizing by avoiding responsibility and accountability, For the next 5 years remain at a fine prison facility. Come back and explain your pattern of behavior, what you learned, then you no longer will be a threat or concern. Today I attend groups for reminder and motivation, Every day brings forth my new creation. Please clarify the reasons for the man you attempted to murder and beat, Reviewing your file “I conclude you’re a beast.” I failed to make the correlation between violent crime and low self-esteem, Safe to say I did not love self, living a dream Infected by shadows of my past no longer blind, Today, forgiveness for others and self in mind. A resentment is unresolved anger - a feeling of strong displeasure Rage is the manifestation of thoughts and beliefs displaying behaviors. Inadequate understanding of historical causative factors, My entire life character defects have been my masters. Unknowingly developed a co-dependency to all under the sun, Through reflection and spiritual growth I only need ONE. Son, brother, uncle, nephew, fello human-being, could have been a friend, My deepest regrets to all, until my end. Anything I could ever accomplish, although every thing earned, Clearing know that 120 day wait list is not deserved. Reintegrating into society an emotionally capable human-being, Had nothing to do with a piece of paper from the very beginning.
A universal mind trapped in a cage; No room to roam, so full of rage. Freedom is my destiny to explore; but 4 concrete walls is hard to ignore. Restricted, bound by a lock and key; Deceptive, freedom was already within me. Each interaction with myself is my Opportunity to love, listen, and explore; Again, 4 concrete walls is hard to ignore. See, smoke can’t rise to the top if a Fire is contained; Freedom lies at my finger tips, I just have to close my eyes and tap into my brain. And as long as my heart beats within me; my mind will never surrender To a man made lock and key
Positive change… what an amazing experience to witness. It is through our struggles, trials and tribulations that builds our character. Change is a process that requires courage, will power and the desire to be the best version of oneself. Nothing is more inspiring to me than, to witness, someone be courageous enough to become vulnerable. I heard a person share his story for the first time, the tears in his eyes represented a load of emotions that came pouring out. Healing was taking place. Truth is, vulnerability is the essence of change. In prison it is hard to imagine that prisoners are the ones that help create a safe place. A group setting, a place to be honest, vulnerable, weak but only to become stronger and gain our humanity once again. As one community, we must come together and honor vulnerability together. My dream is to become a therapist that focuses on trauma. I will live and lead a purposeful and intentional life. I will do this by helping people change the way they perceive the world. Today, hope is all around us and we can all help to create hope. Just think, because you live, you have the opportunity to make the lives of those around you better. Is there anyone that has given your life hope? I can think of someone who has given hope and opportunity to so many and his name is Scott Budnick.
What a beautiful time to be black right now What a beautiful time to be black They killed my brother in the street Took away his breath with a knee Yet shames us for taking a knee During false pledges of liberty Because they slaughter us with bullets and brutality Then ignore us when we weep Our tears rinse out blood from the concrete Judicial paperwork wash dirt from the police Tired, we riot in the streets Fed up, set fire to buildings Turned up, you can’t silence our screams Big crowds, we everywhere you see On social media livestream And local news on your TV Me and my cousins protesting Red, brown, yellow, even white rallying UK, Paris, New Zealand, Germany Interfering with your daily routine Blocking all roads, can’t drive past we ‘Cause we here right now No more silence Can’t turn our volume down No fear in us We’re sick of crying out You gon’ feel us Or we gon’ show you how It feel to be us When we Slaughter all your demons in these streets Cancelling your breath on our knees Shaming you for testing our glory Riddle you with bullets that we speak Over your slain, nobody weep Cleans our streets with blood of Holy King So our children finally will grow in peace What a beautiful time to be black and alive right now What a beautiful time to be Swanketa Brown (Swanketa L.B)
Love yourself so much that you can Love others without barriers or judgement Loving myself means to shine So I'm going to love another to make them shine Lifting each other up while being happy So we can be an unstoppable team like Mary-Kate & Ashley To master any form of potential and talent and mater the universe gladly To love unconditionally starting with myself To be patient, stay focused on the positive, Have and be grateful for what I have than what I have not, If you let me be free You'll see the better me Even though you don’t think or know it’s going to be OK. It’s going to be OK, and you will get through this one day at a time. Self-awareness and growth is vital To leave a legacy of love and compassion Let's try not to be so angry its OK I don’t have to fight people At the end of the day, it’s all love Live as if you were to die tomorrow, learn as if you were to live a lifetime! Laugh, love, live! Dream big, and the possibilities are endless Live, love, and accept others for who they are Travel and enjoy and the fruit of your life, love yourself Live life as though there is no tomorrow and be positive Keep faith and don’t let no one get you down - Keep your goals and turn your life around. Don't let anything drag you down or slow you Look forward to a better tomorrow and what the future holds. Heart Whispers Let your heart guide you It whispers, so listen closely It will help you to open up and share with others Make you smile and enjoy life Be true to yourself Love who you are Always smile They are contagious Set a goal for yourself so people can love and respect you unconditionally Learn how to love yourself and not care about how the next person thinks, But how people think of you can hurt, Try not to take it personal - it’s their issue, not yours. You gotta love yourself Before you can love others We all have a struggle So lets come together and lift each other up not down Appreciate each person’s unique beauty And let it inspire you Inspiration can be found in the strangetst of places even in fear, Because don’t let your fears paralyze you, they may be the one thing to set you free. Freedom on the outside will never be obtained Until you first acquire freedom on the inside, A mile in my shoes, a life time of hurtful, happy cherished memories! Love laugh live Be who I am – the good the bad and ugly See people for people be me and love love love! Boundaries Setting boundaries is being brave enough To love me even if it means disappointing you I matter today and I now it regardless of what you think or believe And if you don’t like it you can go I love myself no matter what this life means Although it may seem all just a dream... I stand tall throughout my jailhouse fight, Even though people may not think it’s not right!!! People need to feel love even though they may not want it And comforting from all the above Follow the rules all times Some people don’t like but it's what it is. Life isn’t always a straight line Sometimes things are grey not black and white Take one step at a time there’s no need to Rush its like riding a bike or falling in love Love yourself. Respect your boundaries and the boundaries of others Focus on loving yourself first You'll find that your relationships are much more fulfilling Relationships are the key to life Happy relationships happy life, toxic relationships toxic life Relationships are beautiful when one is loved and in love All relationships are their own journey Love is being true to ourselves Be honest to you We are All ok Always love one another NO (ladder poem) Finally I said no to negatively, no to toxic people, no to stress And I said yes to living No I don’t have to care for everyone Yes I am worthy Yes I will like a friend as I like to be a better friend You have me until the end With each other we’ll make it through My promise to you is I'll keep it true United we stand – divided we fall If we support each other we’ll get through it all Do not let your mistakes define who you are We are God’s creation he will pick us up when we fall My mistakes have shaped the woman that I am I am build by the fire Like a beautiful forest that was once ash I will never put myself last. Ladders Rising, Group You may shoot me with your words, You may cut me with your eyes, You may kill me with your hatefulness, But still, like air, I’ll rise. You may tell me that I’m weak, Yet I will provide to you I’m strong I will grow and evolve; I stand in the gap for over 5500 women, So strength I exude, Confidence I walk in. I am strong, positive and I support all Women's activists, fight in favor for derechos de la mujer. I love women who are inspirational and have power in the community and teach me lessons on who I should come to be. We are all created equal, there is no one better than the other. Stand strong and empower, we can conquer all. With this in mind, love one another and with that love You give, be generous Don’t just give love generously - Be open to receive love abundantly Lift each other up, don’t put them down. Do the right things for the right reason Love, laugh, live. Love is laugher and laughing is love. While living this life you must live it up. I am whole (ladder poem) They say a closed mouth won’t get fed, So I show up with an open mouth and clear head, Your head is where you think of the Mindfulness of life’s acts, I am whole in mind, body, and soul, My opinions are valid and I deserve happiness. I will continue to love me And I will always stand up for my self-worth And continue to spread positivity and joy I am here. I will be heard. Rejoice all the time – Alegrense! Mantenernos Siempre positivos Poner Todo en manos de dios. Ladders: love, me
It was not until, I looked within That I saw my beauty I realized that light was bright As I got close the light got brighter I won’t sit in darkness I will not let people bring me To a negative place I will be the lighthouse, I like that You are my sunshine You make me happy I see the light Flood thru your eyes and The reflection is seen with a smile. I will smile every day to the light At the end of my day I will let my light shine bright My light will be infectious for others Even when rain and storms attack. I will remain happy and sane. I am myself and me only, My strength is within and not what you see, I fight everyday to be better I fight everyday to be present but You can’t see that. But it’s mine It’s mine to be strong and to fight for love, I have my son, Love is what we need, love is what we seek. I embrace myself with love because it helps me breathe I will keep loving myself No matter the circumstance or the situation You are ok Sounds good Internally fulfilled With yourself, so shine on Let yourself be seen, No longer in the dark. I will not be limited by their doubts, I will face my fears and dare to step out, I will stand strong and show them no doubt With my fears behind me I will step out I will lend the hand around to keep up, to get thru on the Right tone I keep on a positive Knowin’ that I’ll be going home I will step forward to the unknown And be positive – I welcome my future I discard my negative past, I will speak positively into existence to myself I will lift up I will redefine who I am because life Is teaching me, I’ll be fine. I’m life to love who I am and to Me and not to give up You never know your destiny if you Give up you might never reach it. You see me, but do you hear me? You judge me, but do you know me? Hear hear, sit sit, feel me, feel me, hear me, Hear me, take your time to get to know me. See me, I am kind. Loving and giving. Embrace me, as I embrace you. Find the heart to achieve your part Open your mind to the future, Do not be afraid to fail, That’s the way that you grow! Like a flower rising from the earth One can bloom and the now shines bright Take your time to water, the flowers, You never know what might come from that. Ladders: Breaking the silence What are the words you do not have? What silence needs to be broken? Are you going to take a stand? Or are you going to continue the silence? You can do anything in life To maintain my peace I stay in my own place I stand tall and firm in my beliefs I am confident and strong I am deserving of a better life And I am coming strong!! I am loving I am a mom I am kind I am smart I am nice I am peaceful I am confident I am spiritual I am a fighter I am observant I am strong I am a woman. I did not lose the lesson (Ladder Poem, Group)
To why I learned to smile When I wanted to cry, I’ve learned to heal through the pain Feel it and let go.. Lost all control of my life, but stillLooking for positivity, Lost custody of my children But by the grace of god they still love me. Pickup up from there thrived on The negativity now we’re shinin’ Past is past, it’s gone, today I will Let myself embrace love. The love to myself is to stay Positive and strong and to love. For now I will pray And hope for the most from above. I’ve Changed (group ladder poem) Of Course I’ve changed, I’ve grown, Of courseI’ve changed, I’m my own. I can say NO! If I want to. I think I do. Ok so I say No! N-O! I was born this way, I am perfectly imperfect. My life is the result of my choices, I am the one who can tune out the noises. I am what I chose to be, And I chose to be greatness For greatness lives inside of me And I choose to let it shine. I am the sun to his Shine when I’m sad. Sadness equal darkness, Light gives me life, And I feel the vibe. Ladders & Light (group ladder poem) I am a lighthouse, Shining my light bright, My ships are people, I bring them to safety, My light directs them through the storm, A calm place to anchor their hope, The hope I have makes me strong, I look –that light that shines is my life, When it’s dark at night I feel like I want to cry But in the morning when I see That light shining bright It reminds me why I am alive. I’m alive to thrive, to break through the night. I confident to say that I shine so bright. I’m like a rare diamond that’s tucked underneath But when you finally reach it, it shines so neat I put it in my pocket and it shines and shines I bring so much safety and happiness Is in me - I feel needed I am seen where I am There is finally relief. I will always be here - Far or near you will find me. |
AuthorWrite something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview. Archives
February 2021
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